Sunday, March 1, 2015

Foolish pride?

I will be perfectly honest with myself, I have not done what I should have been doing for some time now. I am not very happy with myself and I have to do what God has called me to do. Time is not slowing down and it's time to take charge of the things that need to happen. Just as I said about 8 weeks ago, procrastination had really gotten the best of me and well it happened. But now is the time to step up and conquer it. I can't keep letting these feelings and excuses take over my life. I have became my own worst enemy. And I do not like it.

At this point, this blog is the most difficult one I am facing. Finding the right words to place on here has me at my wits end. Perfectionism, expectations, and not having the material things I 'want' to write, has my head hanging in my own prison. I could go on and on about the reasons why I am not writing but there's only 1 reason why I should be. Just maybe if I had more windows in my house, just maybe if I had that antique desk & chair I've been searching for, just maybe if I had my own little office, I'd be more productive and feel like I am getting somewhere. But I have to set my own selfish desires to the side. I can't do anything about that right now. I have to focus on God. I have to focus on my talents and 'actually' put it to use. Good use.

From reading articles like 'how to become inspired' to the '5 steps to becoming a better writer', etc, yeah I know I fit all the descriptions of a writer among other writers. We procrastinate. We're crazy. Most of us own a cat. We fuel on coffee. We have a love for vintage. And we look at things and recite something in our head how we could write about it. We have our own creative style. And I celebrate my differences, but the procrastination doesn't deserve the praise. Now what?!

I have more than enough shared my struggles. It's deep actually. We all have things we are not proud of. It was my time to open up. My time to share. My time to accept it. Now it is time to move on. 

Jesus, hold my hand and lead me.